I have been reflecting on the topic of my children and grandchildren and was trying to decide what my first topic would be. I decided to start at the beginning when I found out I was to be a Father. My wife and I had been married about 6 months and she let me know that I would be a father. The excitement and joy I felt was so wonderful. We could not wait to tell my Mom, her Dad, and just about anyone we met. It was what we both wanted and it was all good. It was in this high emotional point that one of the most crushing blows came. At 12.5 weeks we had a miscarriage. The exact opposite to the blissful euphoria I felt just weeks before turned into the most agonizing pain. I won’t even speculate how it affected my wife, but for me the sorrow, pain & grief was only equaled by the loss of my Grandmother a year earlier. It was in this moment that I found myself in a cross roads with my faith. Would I blame God for the loss?; Could I use this experience to strengthen my faith in the resurrection of us all?; Could I ever overcome the devastating pain in my heart? All of these questions and trying to be supportive to my wife’s grief were almost too much. So what did I learn from this experience? I learned that God and Family are there for us in times of need. I could feel the assurance that we would see that child again. There was a sure feeling that the partially formed fetus was a person and alive, even though many would dispute that case. I knew that the Atonement of Christ was not about just repenting of sins, but for carrying us emotionally in times of need. Although I would not wish this experience on anyone, if you do have to go through it I would suggest you keep moving forward. There is light at the end of the tunnel and that the pain never goes away but it does lighten. On the other side of this experience I came out stronger than I was before. It was just a few years later after our first child was born that we went through this again and then one other time before my last child was born. Each time the pain and sorrow was there, but each time it got a little easier to deal with. Having children is sometimes a source of pain and sorrow, but as I will share it is also times of greatest joy, love, and happiness. If you have experienced the same loss as I have, I wish that your heart will heal quickly and that you will find strength in the experience.
